Why You Have To Be Crazy to Win Big (Elite Daily)

23 Nov

Why You Have To Be Crazy to Win Big (Elite Daily).

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“what do you want?”

27 Oct

“What do you want?”  Ive been asked that question numerous times in my life…by my parents, teachers, employers, friends and lovers.  Its a question i always evaded.  The reasons why, I’ve only begun to understand.

As a young girl, i don’t remember having dreams, goals for my life, or visions for my future. The world seemed so dull and colorless.  I was the first of six children raised in the most normal, least traumatic of ways, isolated from the world in a tiny town.  In that role i surmised it to be easier to “go with the flow.”  For there was always a younger, less reasonable personality that had needs surpassing my own.  The path of least resistance, just following along, voiceless, was simply easy, and i didn’t know any different.  I never realized it was okay to have a voice or an opinion.  As i grew older i reasoned that not making any waves was the best way to get through life.  i never thought to ask myself what it was i desired for myself, what would bring me joy or even contentment.  It seemed like too much trouble and it might just piss somebody off!  People get used to getting their own way.  Once the people in your life know you as the agreeable one, they apply a good amount of resistance to keep you right where you are.

  So most of my life, i struggled with the “darkness” that i mentioned in an earlier post, that closes in on you when you aren’t living your truth…only it was not until lately that i became aware of why it was there.  A few weeks ago, i was asked point blank by a new friend, “who are you?” and in a later conversation, ” what do you want?” It was just then that i began to entertain the notion that there may actually exist an answer to those questions.  Then, as i began to form my answers, i realized that the avoidance of my truth was what caused the depression that took too many of my days.  In searching for these answers, i’ve begun to find a comforting inner peace and joy i never imagined possible.

  Marianne Williamson said, “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…”

  I know that fear.  It keeps you from having everything you were meant to have.

   Guess what?

  I’m not afraid anymore.

birthdays

25 Sep

Birthdays are a fitting time, it seems, to reflect on a life.  Check in, see how you’re doing.  To ask yourself “is this the life i was created to have?”  Or “is there something else i can do?”

Looking back on 44 years (woah!  Where has the time gone?) I see a life filled with its share of ups and downs.  Blessings like an amazing family and friends, “curses” like the depression that has lingered in the backdrop of my life, occasionally rising to the forefront and seemingly deterring my plans for carefree happiness.  I am extra grateful for the people who have loved me during the times when i could not love myself.   They were the buoys that kept me from drowning in the depths of a sadness that never really had a rhyme or reason.

Never did i imagine that I’d ever actually be able to be grateful for the depression itself, but recently I’ve been enlightened to the fact that my melancholy has been the catalyst for a journey to peace and joy that surely I’d have not travelled willingly without.

The endless searching…Therapy, books (and more books), medication; and more recently more books 🙂 and MEDITATION have brought me to a higher plane.  A place where i can look down and appreciate the darkness.  For without it, i’d not know the brilliance of the light that surrounds every moment of my life at present.

So as i turn 44 in just under an hour, I thank you family, thank you friends, thank you darkness.  I am grateful for you and this life, far from over and full of promise!

Happy birthday to me.

One of those days

4 Sep

I was really excited to post the blog I’ve been working on today….. But I have not quite figured out how to use this site and I’m pretty sure it’s gone:( the idea still floats around and I could probably write it over but frankly I’m pissed off…

So this isn’t the first thing to not go as planned this evening…which prompts me to wonder where the lesson is, as I always do. The answer is not coming swiftly enough… And I’m impatient and don’t feel like hanging around for the answer.  As usually happens, it will show up in another similar question. Hopefully I’ll be a little more receptive.:)

It feels great to get this all out and written down. Tomorrow promises to be beautiful and I plan on drinking it in…. Slowly and gratefully and from a clean shiny slate.

Love in another’s eyes

2 Sep

Have you ever had a moment where, in catching the glance of another human being, ever recognized the look of enormous awe? When the person looking back at you seems to see all the perfection in you or perhaps the one quality you didn’t even know you possessed…and somehow finally knowing makes you realize the complete love you were created in?
Everyone on this earth should experience that once or a million times before they die. It’s the feeling we came here to realize….the basis for everything good and pure and beautiful and perfect…… Because we are!