Archive | September, 2012

birthdays

25 Sep

Birthdays are a fitting time, it seems, to reflect on a life.  Check in, see how you’re doing.  To ask yourself “is this the life i was created to have?”  Or “is there something else i can do?”

Looking back on 44 years (woah!  Where has the time gone?) I see a life filled with its share of ups and downs.  Blessings like an amazing family and friends, “curses” like the depression that has lingered in the backdrop of my life, occasionally rising to the forefront and seemingly deterring my plans for carefree happiness.  I am extra grateful for the people who have loved me during the times when i could not love myself.   They were the buoys that kept me from drowning in the depths of a sadness that never really had a rhyme or reason.

Never did i imagine that I’d ever actually be able to be grateful for the depression itself, but recently I’ve been enlightened to the fact that my melancholy has been the catalyst for a journey to peace and joy that surely I’d have not travelled willingly without.

The endless searching…Therapy, books (and more books), medication; and more recently more books 🙂 and MEDITATION have brought me to a higher plane.  A place where i can look down and appreciate the darkness.  For without it, i’d not know the brilliance of the light that surrounds every moment of my life at present.

So as i turn 44 in just under an hour, I thank you family, thank you friends, thank you darkness.  I am grateful for you and this life, far from over and full of promise!

Happy birthday to me.

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One of those days

4 Sep

I was really excited to post the blog I’ve been working on today….. But I have not quite figured out how to use this site and I’m pretty sure it’s gone:( the idea still floats around and I could probably write it over but frankly I’m pissed off…

So this isn’t the first thing to not go as planned this evening…which prompts me to wonder where the lesson is, as I always do. The answer is not coming swiftly enough… And I’m impatient and don’t feel like hanging around for the answer.  As usually happens, it will show up in another similar question. Hopefully I’ll be a little more receptive.:)

It feels great to get this all out and written down. Tomorrow promises to be beautiful and I plan on drinking it in…. Slowly and gratefully and from a clean shiny slate.

Love in another’s eyes

2 Sep

Have you ever had a moment where, in catching the glance of another human being, ever recognized the look of enormous awe? When the person looking back at you seems to see all the perfection in you or perhaps the one quality you didn’t even know you possessed…and somehow finally knowing makes you realize the complete love you were created in?
Everyone on this earth should experience that once or a million times before they die. It’s the feeling we came here to realize….the basis for everything good and pure and beautiful and perfect…… Because we are!